Okay....I am trying to do better about writing more because I know this is my great "escape" or my "release". The problem is there is so much in my head and heart right now, I don't know where to begin to start. I know some of you wittier people (smartasses that I know and love) will tell me just begin at the beginning but, I don't know where that is right now. I find myself flooded with emotion that I am doing my best to keep under wraps....at least for the time being. Why? Because I have so much to do that I am afraid if I let even the tiniest bit of that emotion loose, everything that has been stored away for so long will just come gushing and pounding me like a tidal wave.
I have started my last two mornings with a brokenhearted daughter in tears. As a mother, that breaks my heart that I can't "fix" it. I know she will be okay in time. Have you ever noticed "time" is a four letter word?? I don't know how to make things better for me let alone her or the other two. I am surrounded by such chaos, sadness and lack of direction. Have you ever taken total control away from a control freak?!? Trust me, it isn't a pretty thing. I definitely feel I have no control over the situation I am in and it has escalated my sense of helplessness to a level I'm not sure....even with my assault...that I have ever felt.
So, here I sit, dazed and confused and looking for a road map on how to navigate my way through the uncertainty that is my life right now. Maybe if I could just get work on the same page, or maybe if I could just find a way to make peace with mom, or maybe if my house wasn't turned upside down, or maybe if my kids weren't starting a new school that I'm not sure I am totally sold on anyway....or maybe if I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wouldn't be so helplessly and hopelessly lost at the moment.
If you see Pandora....tell her I'm looking for her!
xoxo
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