For My Broken Heart

For the first time in a very long time, I feel totally alone. It just feels like every time I start to trust people around me someone does something foolish to shatter that trust. I know that I am probably hyper sensitive about things but, when I let down my guard to people who "care" about me, I trust them to handle it with care and caution and not throw away all the hard work it takes for me to do that.

I've worked hard to identify people in my life that I feel I can turn to when things get rough. Someone shattered that trust tonight and to be totally honest I'm devastated. I know to a lot of people what happened would seem small and petty but, after everything I've been through having another angry man come at me just triggered every emotion I've worked so hard to deal with and I'm not sure I will ever find a way past that to trust again. Not to mention, it involved my child and every parent knows they are super protective of their children - especially when they are young.

I'm hurt and confused and feel I have no where to turn at the moment so here I sit and try to sort out what I'm feeling - how many of these tears are for me and my shattered trust and how many are for the fact that my little boy's heart is broken at the moment. I know kids are resilient and forgiving but, I'm just afraid I'm not any longer. So.....I will go hug my child one more time and tell him that the world can be a cruel harsh place but that I will always always love him and then probably cry myself to sleep.

A very sad pandora wishing the world the inner peace I miss.

Hillbilly Hunters - A Texas Specialty

Okay, so we know I don't hide my adoration and love for animals - and I'm not just speaking about the domesticated kind. So of course, I have issues with hunting. Now, I know I will get some feedback on this one - how it is okay to hunt for food blah blah blah. How is it I eat cattle - blah blah blah. Well, to be honest, it wouldn't take much for me to be a vegan. While I cringe about the thoughts of a bullet piercing the heart of Bambi, I do understand that to each his own. There is always the argument that we need to thin out the herds to stop overpopulation and prevent starvation. My issue is that I don't see why the odds aren't a little more even. Although I live in Texas, people know I call this state hell and complain often that it is a backwoods state. When it comes to hunting, my view is no different.

It is bad enough that these hunters use high power scopes and rifles to lay out their prey. But, I draw the line with making them pets and THEN shooting them. There is a practice in this state that turns my stomach. Months before hunters go out, they start buying deer corn and putting it in feeders near the blinds. Each day they feed these deer around the same time. So when deer season opens, it doesn't take a mental genius to figure out that those deer will be right there waiting for their breakfast. Hunters sit in their deer blinds, with their high power rifles and scopes, their hot coffee and wait for their new pets to land in their sites and then BOOM! Now tell me - how is that hunting?!? How is that not stacking the odds? Seriously, talk about premeditated murder. You can find deer corn everywhere you can go around here - the grocery store, the gas station, the feedlot - wouldn't surprise me if they had it at the daycare too!

I think the odds should be a little more even. I would love to see a hunter have to actually track his prey and hey - if you can drop a 12 point buck with a hunting knife more power to you. But, don't insult my intelligence or the intelligence of those others who feel this practice is just barbaric at best. Don't call this "hunting". I don't think the native Americans used this technique - I don't even think our forefathers thought this would be how we "hunted". Now, I know, we have to account for advances in technology but just because something is possible (like human cloning) doesn't mean we should do it. I'm not a tree hugger and if you are going to use the meat instead of just using the head as a trophy that may be a little different but, this still isn't ethical. Just my thoughts...

xoxo
Pandora

Gunpowder and Lead

Okay - for obvious reasons - I love this song. Someday I hope to get this angry and have this much control. I wax and wain from this mood at moments. I just need it to be consistent.

Gunpowder and Lead
Miranda Lambert

County road 233, under my feet
Nothin' on this white rock but little ole me
I've got two miles till, he makes bail
And if I'm right we're headed straight for hell

[Chorus:]

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

Well it's half past ten, another six pack in
And I can feel the rumble like a cold black wind
He pulls in the drive, the gravel flies
He don't know what's waiting here this time

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

His fist is big but my gun's bigger
He'll find out when I pull the trigger

I'm goin' home, gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette
If he wants a fight well now he's got one
And he ain't seen me crazy yet
He slap my face and he shook me like a rag doll
Don't that sound like a real man
I'm going to show him what a little girls made of
Gunpowder and lead

Amazing Video

I rarely go to you tube - never been my kinda thing but - I heard about this and had to share this link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XJQTaC-R6w

This just proves what I've always said about animals.

Hug the pets and pet the kids.

xoxo
Pandora

Life is Messy

I was having a conversation with someone today and we were discussing how quickly people throw in the towel when things get hard or you hit a bump in the road or things get messy. As many of you know - I surf craigslist - particularly the pets section. Yeah yeah I know - me and pets go figure! I'm amazed at the people who "rehome" their pets after 10-12 years. How do you have a pet that long and then one day just decide you're tired of it and kick it out? I guess I shouldn't be surprised at that.
The divorce rate and the rate at which long term couples are ending their relationships are at an all time high. Domestic violence is on the rise and the shelters for women, the most typical victims of domestic violence, have fewer and fewer resources to assist them and often their children. Times are tough and it looks like as a country we are headed down a long and winding road and times won't be getting better any time soon.
I know I've spoken about the safe haven laws before - the 'baby jesus' laws. The intent of these laws was to give a safe place for people, teenagers and unwed mothers, etc., to relinquish their babies who they felt they couldn't care for instead of abandoning them in trash cans in school bathrooms or in freezing cold mangers this time of year. But now, in Nebraska, we have parents who have decided raising a teenager is too tough so they are taking them in and turning them over to the state. Okay, my first question is - who is the mental giant that authored the law to include children up to the age of 19?!?!? My next question is - who said raising a teenager was easy?!? Now, don't get me wrong, I know I'm just hitting the teen years with my children but, I cannot imagine any situation where I would ever give up on my child and turn them over to a state agency to raise. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The suburbs and rural communities are filled with grandparents and extended relatives raising teens that their parents sent away for various reasons. It has taken a toll on the small communities. You no longer have the small town safe environment that you once had because all the kids that are in trouble in the big cities are being shipped to live with relatives. We have 70 and 80 year old grandparents trying to keep up with 14 and 15 year old kids who their own parents couldn't manage. Now THAT makes sense!
Our society needs a wake up call - life is messy - when you got the handbook - on page 4378 it specifically says - life is hard, it isn't something you can wrap up in a 30 minute sitcom. Who is to blame? Do we dump this off on pop culture, the media, the 5th avenue gurus, television? Was it a culture that made our kids latch key kids? Was it the desire of women to move out of the house and in to the workforce and claim their independence? I think all these things played a roll in how we have evolved as a society but, unfortunately we haven't evolved as parents to meet our childrens needs. We haven't evolved as humans to grasp that life is tough - things do get messy, no one ever promised us a rose garden. We've become too selfish and self absorped and what we need is a good old fashioned reality check. I think the last reality check this country had bounced! Kids should be taught life skills in school. I know many will say we shouldn't put that on the schools too, that it is a parental responsibility but, many of the parents who are raising these kids don't know how to be parents themselves. How can we expect them to teach something they don't know how to do? We have to start somewhere. Perhaps it should be mandatory when you register for a birth certificate or a social security number that you have to take a parenting 101 course. It has to start somewhere before we have a system full of teen children relinquished in every state of the union. As for me and mine - we will continue to live our messy little life.

How many days until Spring Training?

I just realized I miss baseball - it has only been a few months since the World Series is over and I'm already waiting for the opening pitch to be thrown and the new hope that the Cubs will make it to the series. Okay, so about some things I'm the eternal optimistic. I'm bummed about the College Football Bowl Games but hey c'est la vie. It is all politics I guess. So, I will take a 9 inning game that has a play-off series at the end any time.

I can hear the organ now playing in the background - root root root for the cubbiesssssssssssss if they don't win it's a shame.....

The first spring training game is February 25th - not that I'm marking the days off or anything.

We got SCREWED!!!!

Okay Mom, please explain this to me again. How is it we beat both these damn teams and they are in the Big XII Championship game and we are stuck home watching?!?

So by now, everyone knows that OU is playing in the Big XII title game and the Horns are stuck home watching hoping that Mizzou can pull it out and win. Even though we beat both these teams in the regular season they are playing for the Big XII title and OU is playing for a chance to go to the big dance and play for a national title. I just don't get it and neither did Layla.



Huddle up girls, lets talk this over and see how we are going to get through watching this game. We spent the last 2 weeks wanting the sooners to win and now we want the Tigers to win - I'm so confused. Layla can ya explain it to me again?


62 damn points?!? Got any beer in here Mom? We got so screwed. Oh well, looks like I'm gonna learn to munch on Buckeyes. Go horns!!!

Goldfish is in the House!

I wanted to introduce everyone to the newest addition to the animal menagerie....Goldfish. Goldfish came to us as an adoptee.


Can you find the cat in this picture??


Goldfish has joined the family and made himself at home >^..^<

Happy Ho Ho Ho?

Have you ever noticed each year the Christmas decorations and Christmas aisles go up earlier and earlier at the retail stores? Don't get me wrong here - I'm not trying to be a grinch but, I guess a part of me is. Christmas has gotten a lot of publicity the last few years. Our kids are the ones who are getting very mixed messages. You have your private parochial schools who will not allow Santa to be mentioned at the school during the holidays. Then you have your public schools who want to take the reason out of the season - so you can't mention Jesus. While I will keep my religious beliefs to myself, I'm tired of both sides taking it all to the extremes. It is just like all the politics we dealt with this year - one extreme or the other. This country cannot be moderate about anything any longer. So our kids are pushed and pulled and not given the option of believing in both. In fact, when my son was in Kindergarten, his teacher took it upon herself to tell him there is no Santa Claus. Yes, I was very angry because she robbed my son of a little piece of innocence that I wanted him to hold on to for a little while longer. Well, let me tell you, I don't think Santa Claus and Jesus are all that different! If you stop and think about it, both are about giving of yourself, having a happy heart and spirit, and thinking about someone besides yourself and what you have for a change - but, that's just my opinion I guess.

So back to the point I started to make with this I guess, Christmas like Valentine's Day has become nothing but a commercial venture and retail opportunity for many. It is about the latest Ipod, the fastest gaming system, the biggest toys and all the things that take hours to assemble when the kid would rather play with the box. We skip from Halloween (which many parochial schools also prohibit as a pagan ritual - but Easter isn't seen that way with the bunnies and eggs- whole other post) to Christmas. So my question is what about Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving is now the holiday squished between candy and Christ. Thanksgiving is about our forefathers who celebrated moving to this country and their freedom of living in a land that they could choose their religion and belief and not be punished for it. It is about freedom of speech and opinion and the right to express those things freely. Thanksgiving is about being thankful for the things you have and are blessed with in life and not about what else you can add to that stash. You can get lots of money, you can get lots of toys (both grown up and child toys) but the truth is when you leave this earth - they do you no good. But the things we should be thankful for this time of year - the love of our family, the friends who comfort us the other 364 days of the year, the job that allows us to feed our family and put a roof over our head - are typically forgotten about. Even on the day of Thanksgiving, too many people focus on the turkey and the football and not the meaning of the holiday and where the tradition came from.
We wonder what is wrong with your youth - why they expect more and more and don't seem thankful for the things we have. Well, DUH! What do we expect them to do when we as adults don't teach them to be thankful for what we have, we don't teach them to give to others who are less fortunate, we don't teach them to give of themselves in both their time and service - its easier to throw a little money at the problem. I'm proud to say that we as a family will be making some food and taking it ourselves downtown to the homeless that reside in the park outside the big church. I'm proud to say that we will hand dip them food and give it to those who wonder each day where their next meal will come from. I'm proud to say that my children see this as something they should do and not just something they are expected to do. It is important that they understand it - that they need to give to those who don't have the things they do or the opportunities that they do. I may not be able to change the whole world but, I can make a small difference in the world I live in and if I instill that in my kids and they instill that in their kids then I will have paid it forward. I remind my children that there is a Santa Claus in all of them. It is a spirit of giving and I won't let anyone or anything take that from them - not the commercialism of the season, not the far right, not anything!
So as the Christmas parties and gifts come your way this year, I just ask that you take a minute and be thankful for the things you are surrounded with because there is always someone out there who is less fortunate and would trade places with you in a heartbeat. And, to those of you in my life, I want you to know that I am blessed to have each and every one of you and I hope you find your inner Santa Claus and let it out. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!

with love
Pandora

A Little Warped Humor - Just my Style :)

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed that he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls, and two grandchildren, and he doesn't wear his collar that way!"

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds." and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for awhile, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

Knowledge is Power

It is important for me to learn how to talk about my life experience - no matter how unpleasant it is for me. I thought I would work on that process by sharing some things I have learned in the last few years.

• Every 2 minutes, someone in the US is sexually assaulted.
• Every 8 minutes, someone in the US is raped.
• 60 % of sexual assaults are never reported to the police.
• If a rape is reported, there is 50 % chance of arrest.
  
• If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution - only 58% of those end up in conviction. If there is a felony conviction - only 69% chance they will spend time in prison. That means out of the 39% reported - only 16.3% will spend time in prison.
• If you factor in unreported rapes - only 6 % of rapists ever spend time in jail.
• 15 out of 16 rapists go free.
• 73 % of rape victims know their assailant.
• 1 out of every 6 women in the US has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
• Victims of sexual assault are: 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 6 times more like to suffer from symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol, 26 more times likely to abuse drugs, and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide and women who have been victimized are 7 times more likely to be assaulted again.

Recovery from a violent crime like this is a long term process. It isn't something that we as a society are comfortable discussing openly. Women are still shamed into feeling that somehow they did something to bring it on to themselves - they didn't fight hard enough, they made the wrong choices, they should have said no more forcefully, they were dressed wrong, you've heard them all. If you go to a party and say you've been mugged, you are showered with empathy and concern. You don't get that same reaction if you say you were raped. You are often shunned and made to feel like you did something wrong and the room clears and leaves you feeling dirty and violated all over again. A big part of recovery is also being able to accept that no matter what choices you made, no matter the circumstances, the moment you said no or stop should have been enough to end the assault. It is hard enough as the "victim" of the assault to get to this point. I know that I edit how much information I share with people because most of the people would be judgmental and I'm hard enough on myself about the situation. I think that plays a large part in my lack of ability to address my stalker. I've never left that room. It isn't about the sex - it is about the control and the power. Unfortunately, I'm still living in that fear and that loss of control and power. But, it is baby steps. The fact that I'm sitting here writing this post and sharing the "facts" with my readers is a step in the right direction. So thank you for the support and love. Hopefully this post will raise someone's awareness. Share this with the women in your life that you love - take a look at all the women in your life - count out 6 and know that 1 of them has probably been or will be the victim of at least an attempted sexual assault.

Here are just a few safety tips from the RAINN website:

• Be aware of your surroundings. Knowing where you are and who is around you may help you to find a way to get out of a bad situation.
• Try to avoid isolated areas. It is more difficult to get help if no one is around.
• Walk with purpose. Even if you don’t know where you are going, act like you do.
• Trust your instincts. If a situation or location feels unsafe or uncomfortable, it probably isn’t the best place to be.
• Try not to load yourself down with packages or bags as this can make you appear more vulnerable.
• Make sure your cell phone is with you and charged and that you have cab money.
• Don't allow yourself to be isolated with someone you don’t trust or someone you don’t know.
• Avoid putting music headphones in both ears so that you can be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you are walking alone.

xoxo

Pandora

A Day in the Life of a Stalker

7:08 AM Pandora u there
7:08 AM Where r u
7:08 AM .....
7:08 AM .....
7:09 AM Answer me
7:09 AM get online
7:09 AM why ya gotta be this way
7:10 AM .....
7:10 AM .....

Mailbox
7:54 AM
Hey wanna get coffee or lunch

8:46 AM u there
8:46 AM ......
8:46 AM ......
8:46 AM ......
8:47 AM get ur ass online
8:47 AM ......
8:47 AM what r u wearin
8:47 AM ......
8:49 AM love maroon
8:49 AM they matchin
8:51 AM why ya gotta be bitch
8:52 AM come on answer me


9:15 AM Missed Call - Voicemail - hey where hell are ya wanna meet up have lunch or somethin - no one's at my house


10:00 AM Missed Call

12:32 PM get online
12:32 PM .......
12:32 PM .......
12:32 PM .......
12:32 PM .......
12:35 PM why ya gotta be like that
12:35 PM .......
12:35 PM your bein bitch
12:35 PM where r u

1:10 PM ......
1:10 PM call me
1:10 PM ......
1:10 PM ......
1:11 PM ......
1:11 PM ......
1:11 PM ......


1:30 PM Email
Nobody's home this week come over

1:57 PM wheres my pics
1:57 PM .....
1:57 PM .....
1:57 PM .....
1:57 PM .....
1:58 PM well
1:58 PM .....
1:58 PM answer me damn it


2:30 PM Missed call

3:00 PM ya there
3:00 PM .....
3:00 PM .....
3:00 PM well
3:00 PM .....
3:01 PM .....
3:05 PM .....

9:00 PM Email
Answer me, get online now

9:05 PM u there
9:05 PM u online
9:05 PM get online
9:05 PM ......

It used to be that when 4:00 pm rolled around it would be quiet for me because he would go home and she was there. Now, not so much. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't like this every day. But, unfortunately, the days that it IS like this are getting more and more frequent.

The time to suck it up and do something legal about this is rapidly approaching. I guess it will be on his terms after all and not mine. I know there are others out there that have gone through this - or something similar. It saddens me that anyone has to endure this type of mental or emotional abuse from anyone. I know that I have a great support system out there if I just asked but, this is a demon I have to be able to slay on my own or I will never move forward. Someday, I will find the strength. Someday.....

Lessons Animals Can Teach US

Lesson 1 - Look Past the Surface, Reach out to Those most Unlike you

I'm sitting here tonight watching Lexus, mom's yorkie, and Goldfish, mom's potential new cat, playing. They are chasing each other around the room, playing tug of war, stalking each other and being the very best of friends. They've known each other a few hours and just like that, they've become great friends. They don't care that they are different species. They don't care that the "laws of nature" say they should be enemies. They looked past the surface and they bonded. With all the recent attention to race, gender, etc., in politics, this would be a great reminder for those of us who are supposed to be evolved that we should look past things like color and gender and just get along.


Lesson 2 - Love Shouldn't Hurt
Those of us that own animals know this one well. Animals have the ability to give you unconditional love in an abundance of what you usually need. No matter what you do, they love you unconditionally. You can yell at them after a bad day, you can ignore them and shut them out and they will worm their way right back in. That love doesn't come with a price - it doesn't hurt. Too often the "love" we get from humans comes with such a price, a price that robs us and leaves us spent emotionally and devoid of feeling.

Lesson 3 - Animals are a great judge of Character
Animals don't give trust blindly. They have a sense of a person's character when the person walks in the room. Have you ever noticed that some dogs or cats just won't come up to some people but yet with other people, they've never met an animal that didn't love them right away? As humans, we need to learn to make others earn our trust and not give it blindly away. We don't have that sixth sense that animals do when it comes to character so we need to look beyond that outer layer and really get to know someone before we extend them the gift of our trust.

Lesson 4 - When our children grow up - it is time to kick them out of the nest
How many parents do we all know that even though their kids are grown and should be self sufficient - their parents still pay their bills, bail them out of messes, etc? Have you ever seen a mother cat still letting her grown baby suckling? Ever seen a momma bird who didn't push her baby out of the nest and tell it to spread its wings and fly? There comes a time when we have to let go and trust that what we instilled in our children is enough to make them grown productive adults.

Lesson 5 - Life is short - sniff an ass now and again
Okay, I don't mean that literally - I'm just saying sometimes you need to venture outside your comfort zone. Can you imagine if you greeted everyone you met with a little sniff :) At least it would be an ice breaker. Life is very short - too short - and we need to take advantage of every minute. Imagine a lab puppy if you will. If you know anything about labs, you know they are fearless and dive right in to every moment. Think about how much fun life would be if we tried that.

So....just a few thoughts I wanted to share with the world....
Live, Love and Laugh, venture outside your box and live each day like it is your last cause you just never know.

Music & Me

Okay, so most of you already know that I love music. I find it a lot like poetry and often the lyrics of songs speak to me so from time to time I'm going to share lyrics that I really like and my thoughts on them. This is a new song just hitting the airwaves but the first time I heard it - like a few others it stopped me in my tracks. I relate music to people or times in my life and this song just yelled and got my attention so I wanted to share...if anyone is out there reading :)


White Horse
Taylor Swift from the album Fearless

Say your sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to.
As I pace back and forth
All this time cause
I honestly believed in you.
Holdin' on
The days drag on
Stupid girl I should have known, I should have known.

That I'm not a princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now it's to late for you and your white horse to come around.

Maybe I was naÎve, got lost in your eyes,
and never really had a chance.
my mistake, I didn't know to be in love
you had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings, well now I know...

That I'm not a princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm not the one you sweep off her feet,
lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your white horse to come around.

And there you are on your knees.
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me.
Just like I always wanted but, I'm so sorry.

Cause I'm not your princess.
This ain't a fairytale.
I'm gonna find someone some day, who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world.
That was a small town, there in my rearview mirror disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your white horse...
Its too late for you and your white horse to
catch me now.

Oh, Oh,Oh,
Try and catch me now ohh
Its too late
To catch me now

********************************************************************

I think we've all had someone or something that we can equate this song to. Although I had a conversation about this song and was told it had a "female" slant to it, I think it is okay for men who find shitty women in their lives to feel this way too. I don't think it has to be male or female for you to relate to just having enough and being fed up with people treating you that way. There are so many that want to just swoop in and think that saying "I'm sorry" or "I didn't meant it" and that will be enough. It doesn't even have to be someone you are in a romantic relationship with - it can be a friend or family member. I don't think it is a bitter angry woman....I think it is a person saying screw you I deserve better and learning to love themselves and demand more from those around them. What do you think?

Random Thoughts....

It is almost 1 in the morning and I have to be up soon. I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow - work, kids schooling, taking mom to the doctor. It is one of those nights that I can't shut off my head. I just realized how absolutely sad I am. I'm sad that it is the holidays and they always make me a little sad. I miss my father and brother, especially my brother. He could always make me smile and laugh. The holidays always brought out the best in him - he was so much like a little kid at heart and I miss seeing the world through his eyes. I'm painfully sad about my horse. She was such a large part of my growing up. I feel responsible. I question every decision I made in those few days and wonder if I had done something, anything different if the outcome would have changed. I'm sad that I can't seem to put my life together after everything I've been through. I do a great job of putting the happy face on for people when often inside I am still splintered in so many pieces I'm not sure I will ever be able to put the mirror back together and if I do the reflection I see won't be one that I recognize. I'm just surrounded by so many things and I can't seem to catch a break or my breath. It sucks to feel bad and know that I'm not getting the medical care I need or deserve and I'm just tired of dealing with the system that takes me for granted. I want to turn it off and make the noises in my head just be quiet for a little while so I can sleep and find sweet slumber to relax my poor aching joints. I'm sad for the families who will be without loved ones this year as they defend our freedom on foreign soil or they have lost them to that war. I'm sad for the families who have so little this holiday season and there's nothing I can do to help them out. It is hard as a co-dependent to feel so exceptionally helpless.

If only the world would cut me a break....if only...