TMI

So, I had a totally weird moment. I got a "friend" request from my 13 year old daughter's flavor of the month on facebook. I didn't really feel like I could just ignore the request since I've accepted requests from all the kids at the library. Being me....I started poking around his page and saw my daughter listed as his "in a relationship" person. Ewwww......so not what I wanted to see. But, that was mild compared to all the other things I saw on the other kids pages. Do parents really just close their eyes and not look at the crap their kids post for all the world to see on the web?!? I've resisted my kids getting social networking accounts because I'm just overprotective that way and after reviewing all the "friends" pages, I remember why I'm that way. These kids are barely teens....BARELY....and on some of their pages they are barely dressed. OMG! I couldn't believe how they put themselves out there. It seems there is nothing left to the imagination. If they are bi, tri, quasi....they have no problem telling the world on the internet. I'm disheartened and sad that parent's don't pay attention to their kids and they let them engage in risky behavior.
I know I'm seen as the mama bear who is being overprotective. Maybe I am but, I don't want to wake up one day with one of my kids being the one on the milk carton. Maybe my own personal experience with my stalker has impacted how I view the world. I still wonder how I will be when they want to really date. I'm trying not to visualize myself as the crazy eyed woman sitting behind the blacked out windows peering through the binoculars...cell phone beeping with the gps signal so I don't lose sight of them....baseball bat sitting in the seat beside me. Can you imagine bringing her home late?

On a lighter side- know these have been around a time or two but thought about them again tonight:

10 Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact,
come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.