After an interesting conversation (see what happens when you make me think) I started to think and really focus on the concept of fear. One of my favorite quotes in the world is:
"Fear is the thief of dreams" ...not sure who said it but it has always stuck with me. After the assault, I feared everything and there are some things I'm not sure I will ever get past the fear. Fear can be paralyzing. One day I was walking through Target and a gentleman who was some build and had same characteristics as "T"...and just happened to wear the same cologne walked by me and I was actually paralyzed with fear. That is a horrible place to be. I called someone and he talked me down off the ledge so to speak but, none the less I know what fear can do. I've been told it is part of that "flight vs. fight" programming we all come with and that that programming is heightened after a traumatic experience. While I understand that from an academic perspective...that doesn't lessen that fear any less. I started to really think about this stuff a while back. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, my job search has been more about crisis management...what job can I take and not be fearful of the environment....who can I work with and not be fearful of them. The harder I looked at this...I began to realize something....there are two types of fear....one that is very rational and one that is totally irrational. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that rational or irrational makes them any less scary and debilitating. What I am saying is...at some point you have to put your big girl panties on and address the irrational fears. You have to ask yourself the hard questions and say what is it here I am really afraid of and what is the worst thing that can happen in that situation? That isn't always easy to do. Believe me...I know. Dealing with rational fear is hard enough but irrational fear is even worse in my opinion. You have to be willing to take a step back from the situation and look deeper. I did. I realized that my fear of the workplace is irrational. It still causes me some anxiety but, I have to tell myself that I can't always live my life in crisis control mode because life is way too short and if you make all your decisions based on irrational fear you are missing out on so much.
I will admit I did have an additional motivator. I am FED UP with him having this much power and control in my life. I want my life back...and yes, before you all jump on that I know that it won't be what I had before...that life is gone forever....but I want it to be a life defined by me and my parameters and no one else.
Grabbing life by the balls....
XoXo
Pandora
1 comment:
I get what you are saying about irrational fears. However, we spend so much time at work it has to be a place that we are comfortable. I am really excited for you about the job prospect. I know you could do so much with that position and have fun doing it. It has been awhile since I have seen you this anamated. It is nice to see you enjoying life.
Post a Comment