So, here we sit waiting on our Mom to have her surgery. This has been a whirlwind. We went from flu like symptoms to you have kidney cancer and we are taking your kidney out in the blink of an eye. I thought until last night that I was just comfortably numb. There has been so much heaped upon my plate lately - Stalker X, my own health issues, Mom and then last night loosing April - well, I'm no longer comfortable and definitely no longer numb. I see more and more happening around me and feel like I'm in a spiral slipping down and away. I hear it is darkest before the dawn and I try to hold on to faith that I won't have more thrown at me than I can handle. I hope that is true because right now, I feel very inadequate to handle all these things. I'm just a blip on the radar of the universe.
Again, I'm surrounded by people yet feel so alone. I wish I could take down the wall and say that I really need support and help but, that's just not who I am so I will continue to to muddle through and hold on to what little faith I have left.
In the meantime....I will sit here and wait for them to tell me surgery is over and Mom is in her room waiting to hear that her job right now is nothing more than to "smile and wave boys."
A very heartbroken Pandora wishing the world a happier day than I'm having.
XoXo
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