Life is Messy

I was having a conversation with someone today and we were discussing how quickly people throw in the towel when things get hard or you hit a bump in the road or things get messy. As many of you know - I surf craigslist - particularly the pets section. Yeah yeah I know - me and pets go figure! I'm amazed at the people who "rehome" their pets after 10-12 years. How do you have a pet that long and then one day just decide you're tired of it and kick it out? I guess I shouldn't be surprised at that.
The divorce rate and the rate at which long term couples are ending their relationships are at an all time high. Domestic violence is on the rise and the shelters for women, the most typical victims of domestic violence, have fewer and fewer resources to assist them and often their children. Times are tough and it looks like as a country we are headed down a long and winding road and times won't be getting better any time soon.
I know I've spoken about the safe haven laws before - the 'baby jesus' laws. The intent of these laws was to give a safe place for people, teenagers and unwed mothers, etc., to relinquish their babies who they felt they couldn't care for instead of abandoning them in trash cans in school bathrooms or in freezing cold mangers this time of year. But now, in Nebraska, we have parents who have decided raising a teenager is too tough so they are taking them in and turning them over to the state. Okay, my first question is - who is the mental giant that authored the law to include children up to the age of 19?!?!? My next question is - who said raising a teenager was easy?!? Now, don't get me wrong, I know I'm just hitting the teen years with my children but, I cannot imagine any situation where I would ever give up on my child and turn them over to a state agency to raise. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The suburbs and rural communities are filled with grandparents and extended relatives raising teens that their parents sent away for various reasons. It has taken a toll on the small communities. You no longer have the small town safe environment that you once had because all the kids that are in trouble in the big cities are being shipped to live with relatives. We have 70 and 80 year old grandparents trying to keep up with 14 and 15 year old kids who their own parents couldn't manage. Now THAT makes sense!
Our society needs a wake up call - life is messy - when you got the handbook - on page 4378 it specifically says - life is hard, it isn't something you can wrap up in a 30 minute sitcom. Who is to blame? Do we dump this off on pop culture, the media, the 5th avenue gurus, television? Was it a culture that made our kids latch key kids? Was it the desire of women to move out of the house and in to the workforce and claim their independence? I think all these things played a roll in how we have evolved as a society but, unfortunately we haven't evolved as parents to meet our childrens needs. We haven't evolved as humans to grasp that life is tough - things do get messy, no one ever promised us a rose garden. We've become too selfish and self absorped and what we need is a good old fashioned reality check. I think the last reality check this country had bounced! Kids should be taught life skills in school. I know many will say we shouldn't put that on the schools too, that it is a parental responsibility but, many of the parents who are raising these kids don't know how to be parents themselves. How can we expect them to teach something they don't know how to do? We have to start somewhere. Perhaps it should be mandatory when you register for a birth certificate or a social security number that you have to take a parenting 101 course. It has to start somewhere before we have a system full of teen children relinquished in every state of the union. As for me and mine - we will continue to live our messy little life.