People Pleasers

There are those of us in life - that no matter how much we try to stop - we are inevitably the "people pleasers". Some of you reading this know what I'm talking about because this shoe fits you too. I am one of those people. I hate to say "no" when people ask me for things. I try to put others first no matter how unhappy that makes me sometimes and even admitting that is a big step for me. Being a people pleaser has cost me personally a great deal. I spend so much time making others happy that in the end I think I've forgotten a lot of times what makes me happy. In fact, I don't think I truly know what makes me happy any longer. But, what's far worse than it making me unhappy is that is has impacted the person I am now in ways I can never get back. I have made choices based on pleasing others...protecting others....helping others that have stolen my innocence, they have ripped from me my faith in people, and shattered my ability to blindly trust.

There's a name for people like us....codependent. Maybe it is growing up the child of an alcoholic. I hear a lot how I don't truly know what being the child of an alcoholic is because I was born after he had stopped drinking excessively but the damage was already done. Don't get me wrong, I in no way am blaming my father for my "issues". I lose patience with adults who won't accept responsibility for the choices that they make. The only person responsible for my choices as an adult is me. I do think though that when you grow up in certain environments it shapes who you are and your decision making processes. But, there comes a time in your life where you either make a choice to continue the cycle or you break the cycle and as for me and my children - the cycle ends with me. I'm learning to say no....no matter how hard that is for me. Hopefully, those of you out there that are codependents like me can take something from this post. It is a small step but a step none the less and for me, I think it is finally a step in the right direction to dealing with the past few years.