Another song that speaks to me...I would think for obvious reasons but just in case let me try to shed some light. The last few months have been really hard. I don't really feel like I belong here. Add to that the fact that the one childhood home I have always had in a lot of ways is no longer available to me. It just isn't "home" any more. I look back on the years I've spent there and while the memories will always be in my heart sometimes the void I feel just doesn't seem like it will go away. I love Miranda Lambert's music so when this CD came out, I rushed out to buy it. It wasn't what I expected. I've grown used to the ummm harder side of her...the side that doesn't really like men and again for obvious reasons that appeals to me. When I heard this song, I cried to the point I was sobbing. For the first time since I lost my mom, the walls all came down and I truly felt the loss and I couldn't put the tears away for hours afterwards. I know they say crying is cathartic and I'm sure on some level it was good for me but, in that moment this song just really summed up how I felt and what I will be leaving behind. So as I go in to the first holiday season that I'm not spending with my mom filled with mixed emotions and a lot of uncertainty, I wanted to share this song as it pretty much sums up how I feel. I won't be going "home" for the holidays this year or pretty much ever again.
The House that Built Me
Miranda Lambert
I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine
Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
Mama cut out pictures of houses for you
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
The House that Built Me
Miranda Lambert
I know they say you can’t go home again
I just had to come back one last time
Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam
But these handprints on the front steps are mine
Up those stairs in that little back bedroom
Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar
I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
My favorite dog is buried in the yard
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
Mama cut out pictures of houses for you
From Better Homes and Gardens magazine
Plans were drawn and concrete poured
Nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama’s dream
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am
I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me
1 comment:
In a different way and a different time, I totally get how your feel. There was a time when everything was right in the world, but that time feels like an eternity ago. I completely get what you say when you talk about a home no longer being a home. There was a place that I always trusted to be there and it is not available to me. Oh I have invited from time to time, as a guest. It is so hard to go there for many reason, from the loved ones lost to childhood beliefs crushed. I don't know how to react to people who have become strangers and places that I am no longer welcome.
In that way I totally understand. The holidays lost their magic a long time ago, for many reasons. Here is a thought for you, "Where is home?" Is it where to hung your hat or where you hang your hat?
I do like Miranda Lambert's music, you are right, it is good.
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